If you know Vince and I at all, you know that the word "spontaneous" doesn't describe us at all. We are planners. We don't make decisions quickly, don't do spur of the moment for much of anything significant, and aren't huge fans of surprises (I like them better than Vince does). When we got engaged, we were given a book with a CD and lists of what to do when and that was pretty much what we followed as much to the letter as possible. That fit our personalities perfectly.
So being surprised by pregnancy definitely took us off guard. Neither one of us thought this was a possibility and had to shift our thinking pretty quickly, which we were more than happy to do and embraced this surprise wholeheartedly. The first thing we wanted to do was find a book just like the wedding book, that told us what to do and expect when. Let me tell you that such a book doesn't really exist. We have a book for each us us that is supposed to be the "complete pregnancy guide" for expectant mothers and fathers. It's not a bad set of books. The books give us things to think about and ideas about what we can expect as we go through this pregnancy. They are good guidelines and give us some support in this completely unfamiliar territory. I've also looked at some other resources and have discovered that no matter what you are looking at, there are some definite similarities in all of the "advice for pregnant women" sections.
The first one is that I'm supposed to take pictures of my belly every week. Have I mentioned that this is my least favorite body section? Have I also mentioned that I'm not showing yet? So why on earth do I want pictures of my chubby belly when all it shows is that I'm not as fit as I had wanted to be and that I'm bloated? It will be different when you can see that there is a baby in there, but for now, I'm not taking pictures of my belly. We'll stick to sonogram pictures of what's going on in my belly. :)
The second one is that I'm supposed to find a support group and in this technological age, they recommend finding an online site for pregnant women so you can talk to people about what you are going through and find support and encouragement from other pregnant women. Well, considering I met the perfect man for me through an online community, I was willing to give it a shot. Why not? What is it going to hurt? I only know a few people who are pregnant right now and we don't talk regularly so it might be beneficial.
I started off by joining TheBump.com. I discovered pretty quickly that this site and I weren't going to have a lot in common. The minute that I realized that I was considered a "bumpie" when I posted to this site, I was starting to have second thoughts. Everything was just a little too cutesy for me. I maybe many things, but cutesy is not something that people usually associate with me and not something that I EVER associate with me. There is definitely some good information on that site and I don't want to knock it completely, but it just didn't seem like a good fit with me.
Then I went to Babycenter.com. This was a better fit. Not too much cutesy, lots of information, very specific communities for discussions. I thought maybe I had found the site for me. I joined two groups, December 2013 Birth Club and December 2013 First Time Moms - which is abbreviated FTM. You have to know the acronyms or you are on the outside to begin with. I read through some of the posts and it was interesting. I responded to a couple of posts and it started to feel like I was back in high school again. The "in-group," who all know the acronyms and all seem to know each other, respond to each other and have discussions and support each other, without any real acknowledgement of anyone else. They aren't mean; they just live in their own bubbles. So I thought I would try the FTMs group because at least no one else would know what they were doing either. I made my own post and asked a question about maternity clothes. I came to realize that the problem with this group is that no one really knows the answers to anyone else's questions because we are all new at this. I did get a couple of answers, but no real bonding. I thought I'd read some posts in both groups and see if I could jump in anywhere. There was a lot of ranting about unsupportive people in their lives,some scared and unsure mom to be's with a lot of sad and unfortunate experiences with miscarriages, and requests for people to share their experiences. Today I discovered the part that made it feel the most like high school - a post where there was arguing and putting each other down and just being mean to each other, with references to people they all knew (who weren't in the threads) that were just like this person. I felt very much like an outsider and like this community wasn't going to be a good fit for me either.
Then I started thinking about it and realized that I'm going about this all wrong. Why am I searching online for a community to support me? I have so much incredible support in my real life that I don't need to look anywhere else. Vince is incredible, loving, and supportive, which I'm sure doesn't surprise anyone. He takes care of me and makes sure that I'm doing all right and that I don't need anything. He is amazing as he always has been. My family has been so incredibly great on both sides. My mom is never too busy to talk to me about the baby and my mother-in-law checks in regularly to make sure that everything is going good and has already started to spoil me. My dad glows any time he is around me and never fails to let me know how happy he is about my pregnancy.
Any time I post anything about my pregnancy, either questions or sharing news, I get answers, support, love, and encouragement. When I was telling everyone that I'm pregnant, the love and excitement was overwhelming. I know I can ask questions and no one will think less of me for asking. I know when I want or need advice, there are so many people that I can go to for help. The best part is that the people I can go to know me and know who I am. They aren't strangers on the computer who have no idea who I am.
I have the best friends and family that anyone could ask for, so I realized that searching for a community to support me isn't necessary. I have all I need right now and for that I am so grateful and blessed. And, I don't have to learn any acronyms to fit in or refer to Vince as DH (dear husband) when I talk about him. :)
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