I want to start off this blog by saying that I couldn't be more thrilled about having a baby! I'm so excited and happy that I can't even believe it sometimes. Vince feels this same way that I do as do our extended families. Every day I pray for my child and that we have a happy, healthy baby.
Having said all of that, I don't think I would be human if I didn't have some questions and insecurities. They don't detract from my joy, but they are occasional thoughts in my head and I thought it would be go to write them down and get them out. I don't think these thoughts all the time, but they do run through my head occasionally.
The most common set of questions go like this: Are we crazy? Am I absolutely nuts to be having my first baby at 43, almost 44 at delivery? Am I going to be able to keep up with a baby at my age? Will my child miss out on anything because we are older parents instead of younger parents? How is this going to affect me physically? Am I going to be high risk? As you might have noticed, there is a theme to this set of questions: my age. When I think about my kiddo and the events in his or her life, I think about how old I'll be when things start. I'll be almost 50 when my child starts kindergarten. When my child graduates high school, I'll be at the age that most people are thinking about retirement and grandchildren and I'll be thinking about where my child is going to college and probably be hoping that I won't be a grandparent before he or she graduates. If my kiddo follows in Mom and Dad's footsteps and gets married later in life, I'll be almost 80 years old. I may never know my grandchildren. I know that there will most likely be a time in my child's life when he or she is embarrassed by me, whether I'm older or younger, but I don't want to embarrass my kid more by being the age that I am.
The next set of questions all revolve around money. Vince and I hadn't planned on having a child, so we don't have a lot of money saved up for college, a car, car insurance, or even day care. Yes, I know, most of those things are many years from now so we have time to save for them, but day care is right there looking us in the face. Not to mention that through all of this, I have to be thinking about retirement savings too. I do eventually want to retire. We do both have good, stable jobs and make decent money, but as everyone always says, kids are expensive. I don't think I even have a sense of how expensive it is going to be. It's going to be a total lifestyle change after years of having one type of lifestyle. It's kind of overwhelming to think about.
I'm sure there are more that are running around in there that aren't immediately coming to mind, but that is a good start to the questions and worries running through my head. Once again, I want to stress that I am over the moon excited about having a child and can't wait to meet him or her and discover all the amazing things that will happen in my life as a parent, a dream I had let go. But I am a worrier by nature and having someone else to worry about brings all of these worries to the surface. I thought this would be a good place to share them.
Thanks for reading. :)
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