Picking a name is proving to be one of the harder decisions we have on our plate right now. I know it is a shocker that I don't have names picked out after all of this time. Yeah, I had names picked out once upon a time, but those were names for a different time and I've changed so the names don't work anymore.
As a school teacher, there are a some things that I am sure of when it comes to names for my child. First, there are certain names that are just off the list. Jordan, for example, is just not a name that I'm going to be using for a child of mine because of some negative experiences. Not that all Jordans are like the ones that I know, but because of my experiences, that name is not available for my child. Remember I've been teaching for almost 20 years, which means I have a sizable list of names that just won't work for me. Second, I do not want to give my child a name that is always going to make the teachers' eyes bug out when they see it. Teachers know what I'm talking about...that name that you have no idea how to pronounce and are at a loss as where to start. I can't think of any examples off the top of my head, but I would recognize them if I see them. Third, I don't want to give my child a name that is always going to be mispronounced or a common name that is spelled in an unusual way. For example, Dante, which I assumed was pronounced Don-tay, being pronounced Deon-tay. I understand that names can be spelled or pronounced any way that you want, but I'm not choosing that for my child. Fourth, I don't want to give my child a name that is going to get them teased. I know kids can make fun of any name, but some names make that easier than others and sometimes it's the combination of two names.
So with all of that in mind, we are searching for a name...well, actually two names because we don't know if our baby is a boy or a girl. We think we might have a name for a boy, but we are at a loss for a name for a girl. I'm searching the baby names books to see what I can find. I have determined that we don't want an A name, because then our child's first and last initial will be AA, which is just asking for trouble. It's a small step, but it is a step in the right direction! :)
While we are struggling to figure out a name, we have now started messing with each other. We are throwing out names that we know we won't use. Vince has suggested LeBron Jordan - to guarantee that our child will be successful in basketball. His other suggestion is Kal-El, which, for those of you who don't know, is Superman's real name. I have suggested LaJennifer - just because it made me laugh. Today I suggested Corvette, because I know he likes that car. We really aren't making any progress, but we are laughing a lot!
Wish us luck!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Lots and lots of questions and worries
I want to start off this blog by saying that I couldn't be more thrilled about having a baby! I'm so excited and happy that I can't even believe it sometimes. Vince feels this same way that I do as do our extended families. Every day I pray for my child and that we have a happy, healthy baby.
Having said all of that, I don't think I would be human if I didn't have some questions and insecurities. They don't detract from my joy, but they are occasional thoughts in my head and I thought it would be go to write them down and get them out. I don't think these thoughts all the time, but they do run through my head occasionally.
The most common set of questions go like this: Are we crazy? Am I absolutely nuts to be having my first baby at 43, almost 44 at delivery? Am I going to be able to keep up with a baby at my age? Will my child miss out on anything because we are older parents instead of younger parents? How is this going to affect me physically? Am I going to be high risk? As you might have noticed, there is a theme to this set of questions: my age. When I think about my kiddo and the events in his or her life, I think about how old I'll be when things start. I'll be almost 50 when my child starts kindergarten. When my child graduates high school, I'll be at the age that most people are thinking about retirement and grandchildren and I'll be thinking about where my child is going to college and probably be hoping that I won't be a grandparent before he or she graduates. If my kiddo follows in Mom and Dad's footsteps and gets married later in life, I'll be almost 80 years old. I may never know my grandchildren. I know that there will most likely be a time in my child's life when he or she is embarrassed by me, whether I'm older or younger, but I don't want to embarrass my kid more by being the age that I am.
The next set of questions all revolve around money. Vince and I hadn't planned on having a child, so we don't have a lot of money saved up for college, a car, car insurance, or even day care. Yes, I know, most of those things are many years from now so we have time to save for them, but day care is right there looking us in the face. Not to mention that through all of this, I have to be thinking about retirement savings too. I do eventually want to retire. We do both have good, stable jobs and make decent money, but as everyone always says, kids are expensive. I don't think I even have a sense of how expensive it is going to be. It's going to be a total lifestyle change after years of having one type of lifestyle. It's kind of overwhelming to think about.
I'm sure there are more that are running around in there that aren't immediately coming to mind, but that is a good start to the questions and worries running through my head. Once again, I want to stress that I am over the moon excited about having a child and can't wait to meet him or her and discover all the amazing things that will happen in my life as a parent, a dream I had let go. But I am a worrier by nature and having someone else to worry about brings all of these worries to the surface. I thought this would be a good place to share them.
Thanks for reading. :)
Having said all of that, I don't think I would be human if I didn't have some questions and insecurities. They don't detract from my joy, but they are occasional thoughts in my head and I thought it would be go to write them down and get them out. I don't think these thoughts all the time, but they do run through my head occasionally.
The most common set of questions go like this: Are we crazy? Am I absolutely nuts to be having my first baby at 43, almost 44 at delivery? Am I going to be able to keep up with a baby at my age? Will my child miss out on anything because we are older parents instead of younger parents? How is this going to affect me physically? Am I going to be high risk? As you might have noticed, there is a theme to this set of questions: my age. When I think about my kiddo and the events in his or her life, I think about how old I'll be when things start. I'll be almost 50 when my child starts kindergarten. When my child graduates high school, I'll be at the age that most people are thinking about retirement and grandchildren and I'll be thinking about where my child is going to college and probably be hoping that I won't be a grandparent before he or she graduates. If my kiddo follows in Mom and Dad's footsteps and gets married later in life, I'll be almost 80 years old. I may never know my grandchildren. I know that there will most likely be a time in my child's life when he or she is embarrassed by me, whether I'm older or younger, but I don't want to embarrass my kid more by being the age that I am.
The next set of questions all revolve around money. Vince and I hadn't planned on having a child, so we don't have a lot of money saved up for college, a car, car insurance, or even day care. Yes, I know, most of those things are many years from now so we have time to save for them, but day care is right there looking us in the face. Not to mention that through all of this, I have to be thinking about retirement savings too. I do eventually want to retire. We do both have good, stable jobs and make decent money, but as everyone always says, kids are expensive. I don't think I even have a sense of how expensive it is going to be. It's going to be a total lifestyle change after years of having one type of lifestyle. It's kind of overwhelming to think about.
I'm sure there are more that are running around in there that aren't immediately coming to mind, but that is a good start to the questions and worries running through my head. Once again, I want to stress that I am over the moon excited about having a child and can't wait to meet him or her and discover all the amazing things that will happen in my life as a parent, a dream I had let go. But I am a worrier by nature and having someone else to worry about brings all of these worries to the surface. I thought this would be a good place to share them.
Thanks for reading. :)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Random Thoughts - Part 1
If you know Vince and I at all, you know that the word "spontaneous" doesn't describe us at all. We are planners. We don't make decisions quickly, don't do spur of the moment for much of anything significant, and aren't huge fans of surprises (I like them better than Vince does). When we got engaged, we were given a book with a CD and lists of what to do when and that was pretty much what we followed as much to the letter as possible. That fit our personalities perfectly.
So being surprised by pregnancy definitely took us off guard. Neither one of us thought this was a possibility and had to shift our thinking pretty quickly, which we were more than happy to do and embraced this surprise wholeheartedly. The first thing we wanted to do was find a book just like the wedding book, that told us what to do and expect when. Let me tell you that such a book doesn't really exist. We have a book for each us us that is supposed to be the "complete pregnancy guide" for expectant mothers and fathers. It's not a bad set of books. The books give us things to think about and ideas about what we can expect as we go through this pregnancy. They are good guidelines and give us some support in this completely unfamiliar territory. I've also looked at some other resources and have discovered that no matter what you are looking at, there are some definite similarities in all of the "advice for pregnant women" sections.
The first one is that I'm supposed to take pictures of my belly every week. Have I mentioned that this is my least favorite body section? Have I also mentioned that I'm not showing yet? So why on earth do I want pictures of my chubby belly when all it shows is that I'm not as fit as I had wanted to be and that I'm bloated? It will be different when you can see that there is a baby in there, but for now, I'm not taking pictures of my belly. We'll stick to sonogram pictures of what's going on in my belly. :)
The second one is that I'm supposed to find a support group and in this technological age, they recommend finding an online site for pregnant women so you can talk to people about what you are going through and find support and encouragement from other pregnant women. Well, considering I met the perfect man for me through an online community, I was willing to give it a shot. Why not? What is it going to hurt? I only know a few people who are pregnant right now and we don't talk regularly so it might be beneficial.
I started off by joining TheBump.com. I discovered pretty quickly that this site and I weren't going to have a lot in common. The minute that I realized that I was considered a "bumpie" when I posted to this site, I was starting to have second thoughts. Everything was just a little too cutesy for me. I maybe many things, but cutesy is not something that people usually associate with me and not something that I EVER associate with me. There is definitely some good information on that site and I don't want to knock it completely, but it just didn't seem like a good fit with me.
Then I went to Babycenter.com. This was a better fit. Not too much cutesy, lots of information, very specific communities for discussions. I thought maybe I had found the site for me. I joined two groups, December 2013 Birth Club and December 2013 First Time Moms - which is abbreviated FTM. You have to know the acronyms or you are on the outside to begin with. I read through some of the posts and it was interesting. I responded to a couple of posts and it started to feel like I was back in high school again. The "in-group," who all know the acronyms and all seem to know each other, respond to each other and have discussions and support each other, without any real acknowledgement of anyone else. They aren't mean; they just live in their own bubbles. So I thought I would try the FTMs group because at least no one else would know what they were doing either. I made my own post and asked a question about maternity clothes. I came to realize that the problem with this group is that no one really knows the answers to anyone else's questions because we are all new at this. I did get a couple of answers, but no real bonding. I thought I'd read some posts in both groups and see if I could jump in anywhere. There was a lot of ranting about unsupportive people in their lives,some scared and unsure mom to be's with a lot of sad and unfortunate experiences with miscarriages, and requests for people to share their experiences. Today I discovered the part that made it feel the most like high school - a post where there was arguing and putting each other down and just being mean to each other, with references to people they all knew (who weren't in the threads) that were just like this person. I felt very much like an outsider and like this community wasn't going to be a good fit for me either.
Then I started thinking about it and realized that I'm going about this all wrong. Why am I searching online for a community to support me? I have so much incredible support in my real life that I don't need to look anywhere else. Vince is incredible, loving, and supportive, which I'm sure doesn't surprise anyone. He takes care of me and makes sure that I'm doing all right and that I don't need anything. He is amazing as he always has been. My family has been so incredibly great on both sides. My mom is never too busy to talk to me about the baby and my mother-in-law checks in regularly to make sure that everything is going good and has already started to spoil me. My dad glows any time he is around me and never fails to let me know how happy he is about my pregnancy.
Any time I post anything about my pregnancy, either questions or sharing news, I get answers, support, love, and encouragement. When I was telling everyone that I'm pregnant, the love and excitement was overwhelming. I know I can ask questions and no one will think less of me for asking. I know when I want or need advice, there are so many people that I can go to for help. The best part is that the people I can go to know me and know who I am. They aren't strangers on the computer who have no idea who I am.
I have the best friends and family that anyone could ask for, so I realized that searching for a community to support me isn't necessary. I have all I need right now and for that I am so grateful and blessed. And, I don't have to learn any acronyms to fit in or refer to Vince as DH (dear husband) when I talk about him. :)
So being surprised by pregnancy definitely took us off guard. Neither one of us thought this was a possibility and had to shift our thinking pretty quickly, which we were more than happy to do and embraced this surprise wholeheartedly. The first thing we wanted to do was find a book just like the wedding book, that told us what to do and expect when. Let me tell you that such a book doesn't really exist. We have a book for each us us that is supposed to be the "complete pregnancy guide" for expectant mothers and fathers. It's not a bad set of books. The books give us things to think about and ideas about what we can expect as we go through this pregnancy. They are good guidelines and give us some support in this completely unfamiliar territory. I've also looked at some other resources and have discovered that no matter what you are looking at, there are some definite similarities in all of the "advice for pregnant women" sections.
The first one is that I'm supposed to take pictures of my belly every week. Have I mentioned that this is my least favorite body section? Have I also mentioned that I'm not showing yet? So why on earth do I want pictures of my chubby belly when all it shows is that I'm not as fit as I had wanted to be and that I'm bloated? It will be different when you can see that there is a baby in there, but for now, I'm not taking pictures of my belly. We'll stick to sonogram pictures of what's going on in my belly. :)
The second one is that I'm supposed to find a support group and in this technological age, they recommend finding an online site for pregnant women so you can talk to people about what you are going through and find support and encouragement from other pregnant women. Well, considering I met the perfect man for me through an online community, I was willing to give it a shot. Why not? What is it going to hurt? I only know a few people who are pregnant right now and we don't talk regularly so it might be beneficial.
I started off by joining TheBump.com. I discovered pretty quickly that this site and I weren't going to have a lot in common. The minute that I realized that I was considered a "bumpie" when I posted to this site, I was starting to have second thoughts. Everything was just a little too cutesy for me. I maybe many things, but cutesy is not something that people usually associate with me and not something that I EVER associate with me. There is definitely some good information on that site and I don't want to knock it completely, but it just didn't seem like a good fit with me.
Then I went to Babycenter.com. This was a better fit. Not too much cutesy, lots of information, very specific communities for discussions. I thought maybe I had found the site for me. I joined two groups, December 2013 Birth Club and December 2013 First Time Moms - which is abbreviated FTM. You have to know the acronyms or you are on the outside to begin with. I read through some of the posts and it was interesting. I responded to a couple of posts and it started to feel like I was back in high school again. The "in-group," who all know the acronyms and all seem to know each other, respond to each other and have discussions and support each other, without any real acknowledgement of anyone else. They aren't mean; they just live in their own bubbles. So I thought I would try the FTMs group because at least no one else would know what they were doing either. I made my own post and asked a question about maternity clothes. I came to realize that the problem with this group is that no one really knows the answers to anyone else's questions because we are all new at this. I did get a couple of answers, but no real bonding. I thought I'd read some posts in both groups and see if I could jump in anywhere. There was a lot of ranting about unsupportive people in their lives,some scared and unsure mom to be's with a lot of sad and unfortunate experiences with miscarriages, and requests for people to share their experiences. Today I discovered the part that made it feel the most like high school - a post where there was arguing and putting each other down and just being mean to each other, with references to people they all knew (who weren't in the threads) that were just like this person. I felt very much like an outsider and like this community wasn't going to be a good fit for me either.
Then I started thinking about it and realized that I'm going about this all wrong. Why am I searching online for a community to support me? I have so much incredible support in my real life that I don't need to look anywhere else. Vince is incredible, loving, and supportive, which I'm sure doesn't surprise anyone. He takes care of me and makes sure that I'm doing all right and that I don't need anything. He is amazing as he always has been. My family has been so incredibly great on both sides. My mom is never too busy to talk to me about the baby and my mother-in-law checks in regularly to make sure that everything is going good and has already started to spoil me. My dad glows any time he is around me and never fails to let me know how happy he is about my pregnancy.
Any time I post anything about my pregnancy, either questions or sharing news, I get answers, support, love, and encouragement. When I was telling everyone that I'm pregnant, the love and excitement was overwhelming. I know I can ask questions and no one will think less of me for asking. I know when I want or need advice, there are so many people that I can go to for help. The best part is that the people I can go to know me and know who I am. They aren't strangers on the computer who have no idea who I am.
I have the best friends and family that anyone could ask for, so I realized that searching for a community to support me isn't necessary. I have all I need right now and for that I am so grateful and blessed. And, I don't have to learn any acronyms to fit in or refer to Vince as DH (dear husband) when I talk about him. :)
Friday, June 7, 2013
Wow! A Whole New Adventure Begins
So I decided that once again, I'm going to start a blog with a new focus. My first blog was just for a college class because I had to do one. I never really used it. My second blog focused on my journey to be a healthier person. This blog, my third one, is going to be dedicated to my new adventure of being a mom, when I honestly never thought it was going to happen for us.
Some of you might already know a lot about me and my life and experiences. Others of you might be learning new things about me with each new blog. So I'm going to start this adventure from the beginning which I know will help some of you understand truly what a blessing this is for us.
About five years ago, Vince and I had been married four years, had purchased a house, and had not been successful in growing our family. So we decided that we were going to take a more active step in trying to have a child and started fertility treatments. After several months of treatments and procedures, my out of whack hormones, thousands of dollars, and a lot of tears and heartbreak, we weren't making any progress on our hopes of having a child together. We decided that we weren't going to do the fertility treatments any more. It was too hard on me physically, and us emotionally. I spent a lot of time being really sad about the hand that we had been dealt. We didn't stop trying; we just stopped trying to make it happen. I think, in time, we both started to accept that this wasn't going to happen for us. Thankfully, our love, trust, and relationship were strong enough to get us through this time together. We relied on each other and stopped talking to anyone else about this. I don't know if Vince felt it quite as strongly as I did, but a part of me ached for the loss of the chance to be a parent.
More recently, I actually commented about this in my blog about my journey to be a healthier person. Here's a quote from the post where I mentioned it, "I've struggled with several of the issues listed in the article to greater or lesser extents: high cholesterol, borderline high blood pressure, snoring/sleep apnea, arthritis in my knees, and infertility. Those last two are probably the hardest to realize that I did to myself." I knew that my weight issues were a contributing factor in my inability to get pregnant, but I don't think I ever thought that was the only issue.
So moving on to April 2013, on the 23rd of that month, I went to my family doctor because I was pretty sure that I had a sinus infection and didn't want to let it get too bad. My doctor confirmed that I was right. As he was writing out a prescription for me, I sort of stammered about how I might, possibly, maybe...well, I was two weeks late, so.... My doctor told me that the meds he was giving me shouldn't be a problem and then showed how well he knows me:
Doctor: Have you taken a pregnancy test?
Me: No.
Doctor: Chicken?
Me: Umm...yeah.
Doctor: Do you want a test?
Me: Ummm...yeah, I do.
After the test and a short wait, the nurse took me to a room and said the doctor would be with me shortly. I waffled back and forth between whether this meant I was pregnant or whether this meant I wasn't pregnant, but something else might be wrong. He came in shortly and told me that I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure the blood must have drained from my face and I was speechless and the breath was knocked out of me. He asked me if I was okay and I smiled and told him I was fine. Then I left the doctor with my prescriptions and two hours to realize that this was real and to figure out how to tell Vince. I don't really remember much about those two hours. I know I got my meds and went home, but beyond that, it's kind of a blur.
When Vince got home, he asked how I was. I said, "I have a sinus infection...and...I'm pregnant." He wrapped me in a huge hug and told me how much he loved me as I'm sure he was trying to process the shock that I had been trying to process for two hours.
We haven't looked back since that day. Our joy and happiness has been indescribable. The day we found out we were pregnant has been the best day, followed by a close second, the day that we finally started telling people. I don't have the words to describe the joy that I felt on that day. Everyone has been so amazingly supportive and excited for us. I knew it would feel good to share the news I had to keep quiet for four weeks, but it was even better than I had imagined. The sheer joy I saw on faces, heard in voices, and read in messages touched me in ways that I can't even explain.
Now we are twelve weeks along and the joy and excitement haven't faded at all. Once again, everything I read says that I should blog about this adventure, so I'm taking that advice. I have enjoyed writing my blogs, and hopefully some of you enjoy reading them, so I'm off on a new adventure and will share it with you here.
Some of you might already know a lot about me and my life and experiences. Others of you might be learning new things about me with each new blog. So I'm going to start this adventure from the beginning which I know will help some of you understand truly what a blessing this is for us.
About five years ago, Vince and I had been married four years, had purchased a house, and had not been successful in growing our family. So we decided that we were going to take a more active step in trying to have a child and started fertility treatments. After several months of treatments and procedures, my out of whack hormones, thousands of dollars, and a lot of tears and heartbreak, we weren't making any progress on our hopes of having a child together. We decided that we weren't going to do the fertility treatments any more. It was too hard on me physically, and us emotionally. I spent a lot of time being really sad about the hand that we had been dealt. We didn't stop trying; we just stopped trying to make it happen. I think, in time, we both started to accept that this wasn't going to happen for us. Thankfully, our love, trust, and relationship were strong enough to get us through this time together. We relied on each other and stopped talking to anyone else about this. I don't know if Vince felt it quite as strongly as I did, but a part of me ached for the loss of the chance to be a parent.
More recently, I actually commented about this in my blog about my journey to be a healthier person. Here's a quote from the post where I mentioned it, "I've struggled with several of the issues listed in the article to greater or lesser extents: high cholesterol, borderline high blood pressure, snoring/sleep apnea, arthritis in my knees, and infertility. Those last two are probably the hardest to realize that I did to myself." I knew that my weight issues were a contributing factor in my inability to get pregnant, but I don't think I ever thought that was the only issue.
So moving on to April 2013, on the 23rd of that month, I went to my family doctor because I was pretty sure that I had a sinus infection and didn't want to let it get too bad. My doctor confirmed that I was right. As he was writing out a prescription for me, I sort of stammered about how I might, possibly, maybe...well, I was two weeks late, so.... My doctor told me that the meds he was giving me shouldn't be a problem and then showed how well he knows me:
Doctor: Have you taken a pregnancy test?
Me: No.
Doctor: Chicken?
Me: Umm...yeah.
Doctor: Do you want a test?
Me: Ummm...yeah, I do.
After the test and a short wait, the nurse took me to a room and said the doctor would be with me shortly. I waffled back and forth between whether this meant I was pregnant or whether this meant I wasn't pregnant, but something else might be wrong. He came in shortly and told me that I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure the blood must have drained from my face and I was speechless and the breath was knocked out of me. He asked me if I was okay and I smiled and told him I was fine. Then I left the doctor with my prescriptions and two hours to realize that this was real and to figure out how to tell Vince. I don't really remember much about those two hours. I know I got my meds and went home, but beyond that, it's kind of a blur.
When Vince got home, he asked how I was. I said, "I have a sinus infection...and...I'm pregnant." He wrapped me in a huge hug and told me how much he loved me as I'm sure he was trying to process the shock that I had been trying to process for two hours.
We haven't looked back since that day. Our joy and happiness has been indescribable. The day we found out we were pregnant has been the best day, followed by a close second, the day that we finally started telling people. I don't have the words to describe the joy that I felt on that day. Everyone has been so amazingly supportive and excited for us. I knew it would feel good to share the news I had to keep quiet for four weeks, but it was even better than I had imagined. The sheer joy I saw on faces, heard in voices, and read in messages touched me in ways that I can't even explain.
Now we are twelve weeks along and the joy and excitement haven't faded at all. Once again, everything I read says that I should blog about this adventure, so I'm taking that advice. I have enjoyed writing my blogs, and hopefully some of you enjoy reading them, so I'm off on a new adventure and will share it with you here.
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