You want to be a princess? GREAT!!

I'm going to vent now, so look away if you don't want to hear venting. You have been warned. I am sick and tired of seeing all the shirts, pictures, memes, etc. basically saying that girls should want to be pretty much anything other than a princess. I'm waiting for the "Forget princess. I'm going to be an armed felon." Some many people want to vilify the princess. I'll be the first to admit, that I'm not signing Gabi up to be Cinderella, Snow White, or Aurora (the first three princesses from a time of less free thinking), though they all have traits I hope she'll have: joy in all things, cleanliness, willingness to trust others. I don't want her sitting around waiting to be saved by a prince, but that isn't the message she's getting from her princesses.

• She loves Elsa, who doesn't have a man in her life at all. Elsa makes mistakes and has unique traits that she hasn't been taught how to handle, but through it all, she tries to stay strong and make her way in the world. In the end, she learns the power of love. She learns that message from her sister. 
• She loves Anna, who tells the man to stay home and mind the castle while she goes to take care of a problem that she caused. Anna negotiates for what she needs, but keeps her kind and loving heart. She isn't willing to give up on her sister. Even when betrayed by a man she thought she loved, she keeps fighting and ends up saving the day. 
• She loves Sofia the First, who was a commoner before she became a princess. Sofia keeps close to her friends, both royal and not. She helps everyone who needs her help and in fact, helped save another princess from being trapped in an amulet. She has also fought against gender discrimination and makes sure that she will be a member of the flying derby team even though it isn't a princess thing.  
• She loves Nella, who is a princess and a knight who wears sparkly armor and helps solve the problems of her land. When others see the bad side of a situation, she looks for the good, but isn't afraid to fight for what is right.  
• She loves Ariel, who wants to explore new worlds and learn about different lands. Ariel stands up for what she believes even when it is in conflict with her family. She saves a prince and then fights for him. She never gives up even when the odds are against her. 
• She loves Jasmine, who refuses to accept the unfair rules of her times. She wants to change the way a young woman is treated and wants to find a man who loves her for who she is, not what she has or how she looks.
• She loves Belle (her mommy's favorite princess), who loves to read and wants to find something different than the life she is stuck in. She looks for someone who understands her and doesn't think she's weird because she doesn't show signs of changing. When Belle realizes her father is in trouble, she takes off to help him without a thought to her safety. She trades her freedom for her father's because she knows he needs to be free from the castle. Even when she is trapped in a castle by a mean beast, she refused to cave to his commands and continues to do things her own way. 
• She loves Rapunzel, who never gives up hope, even though she is trapped in a tower. When a man, who she has been lead to believe is after her hair and very dangerous, enters her tower, she knocks him out with a frying pan and then secures him until he agrees to take her to see the lanterns and fulfill her dream of learning about them. She frequently saves Flynn Ryder and tries to help him see that he is good enough as who he really is. 
• She loves Elena of Avalor, who is Disney's first Latina princess. Elena was trapped in an amulet when a wicked sorceress kills her parents. When she is released (by Sofia), she is the ruler of her land. She fights to be a strong leader, but realizes that she might not be ready for this responsibility and appoints her cabinet from her family and friends to help support her. She values her family and their traditions. She uses her brains rather than force to solve problems. 
• She loves Merida, who refused to allow herself to be limited by the fact that she was a princess. She explores the land, takes risks, and conquers challenges that others didn't think possible. When an archery contest was held to determine who she would marry, she shot better than all the men and said that she wasn't going to marry any of them and it should be her choice. 
• She loves Princess Poppy (the troll), who risked everything to save her troll family and friends. Her over-exuberant behavior and love of glitter lead to her friends being taken and she refused to give up on them. Her motto is "If you knock me over, I'll get back up again." 

When you read through those descriptions, being a princess doesn't seem like such a bad thing. I'll stand up against this forever. The princesses that my daughter has as role models demonstrate traits that I hope she develops. And if she finds her prince, then I think that's okay too. After all, I found mine and he saves me as much as I save him. Stop hating on princesses until you look more closely. Or keep on hating and know that I'm going to secretly, or not so secretly, think you are being closed minded. No one is suggesting a t-shirt that says, "Forget astrophysicist. I want to be a princess." I'm just saying that being a princess isn't that bad and it should be a young girl's choice. Because, isn't choice the backbone of the feminist movement? Dream big, princess, dream big.

Closing comment: There are other amazing princesses that are strong and powerful. However, I stuck with the princesses that are favorites of Gabi. I hope that Moana will soon join this list, but we haven't seen it yet. 

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 28

What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?

Started prior to your birth: This one is pretty easy. Your dad has many wonderful qualities, but the one that is my favorite is his never-ending faith in me. As you may or may not know by this point in your life, I have struggled with insecurity for a lot of my adult life. I worry that I'm not good enough or don't know enough or just don't have the ability to do some things. Your dad has always believed in me and supported me even when I didn't or couldn't. And it's not just because he loves me, he really, truly believes in me for me.

Continued after your birth: I started this one before you were born and I guess I just ran out of time and then was busy with you. Reading back over it now that you are three and I've been through my struggles with postpartum anxiety and had time to reflect back on it. I will say that my favorite quality of your dad is still his never-ending faith in me. Even when I struggled with whether I was a good mom or whether I was doing things "right" or not, your dad knew I could do it. He pushed me to believe in myself and cut myself some slack. Sometimes he was a little heavy handed, but his heart was always in the right place and he wanted, more than anything, for me to believe what he knew: that I was the right mom for you and that sometimes with kids, things don't go "right" and it's no one's fault.

Here's the best part of this for you: your dad will always have that same faith in you. He will believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself. He will just know that you are good enough. Sometimes you might get annoyed with this, but I promise you now, that it's going to be something you are so glad that you have. It's going to be something you treasure.

P.S. I'll always have faith in you too, but this post isn't supposed to be about me. I love you, my darling girl and am so glad you are here with us.

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 24

What are your favorite and least favorite things about parenthood?

(I'm sure no one else will notice this, but I changed the post question so that it was grammatically correct. I'm a little OCD.)

I've only been a parent for nine months so I can only speak to the experiences so far and I know there is a lot still to come and this answer may change in the years to come.

My favorite things (yes, I'm cheating and making it more than one) about being a parent are:

• I love seeing your reaction when I walk into the room. You smile and sometimes squeal when you see me. It is the most amazing thing!
• I love hearing you laugh. Your laugh is incredible and it always makes me smile and usually makes me laugh until I cry.
• I love when you snuggle in with me, especially since you aren't much of a snuggler yet. You will snuggle when you're sleepy, either because you are ready to go to bed or you just woke up and are still sleepy. You are a warm snuggly cuddlebug and it makes me smile.
• I love seeing your dad and you together. Your relationship is still developing and growing, but watching you two together warms my heart. Your dad will tell you that you didn't always like him at this stage, but I disagree. You two are a lot alike and will definitely butt heads throughout your lives. However, your dad loves you so much and is so great with you.
• I love playing with you in our bed when we get up on weekend mornings. We spent 30 minutes to an hour playing in bed as a family. Usually you are crawling all over, spitting and climbing, but it is one of my favorite parts of every weekend.

My least favorite things (cheating again) about being a parent are:

• I don't like it when you aren't feeling good and I can't do anything about it. I think you inherited my allergies and it makes sleeping difficult for you at times and I can't do much to help you. You are too young for medicine and when your nose is so stuffed up, I just wish I could do something.
• I don't like it when you act like you aren't feeling good and I don't know why so I can't help. Yes, there is a theme here. I always want to make you feel better when you don't and it frustrates me when I can't.
• I don't like it when you wake up in the middle of the night and don't go right back to sleep. I'm learning to live with less sleep, but I still love my sleep. I will always get up to take care of you and don't have a problem with it. It's just not my favorite thing.
• I don't like it when you cry when I leave you at daycare. I know it's the only option and that it is good for you to spend some time with other kids. I know that it's good for me to have my job that I love and that I wasn't made to be a stay at home mom. I know that you are fine within minutes of me leaving because the ladies at daycare take wonderful care of you and you have a good time. However, it makes my heart hurt when I have to leave you when you are crying.
• I don't like when I get insecure about my ability to be a good mom to you. This happens mostly when I'm tired or stressed about other things. I know that I do a good job taking care of you, but I struggle with insecurity and always want to be the best mommy I can for you. Sometimes that leads to me doubting myself, but it happens less and less.

After nine months, those are my favorite and least favorite things about being a parent. The favorite things most assuredly outweigh the least favorite. I really love being your mom and just want to take care of you the best I can.

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 19

How did you feel the moment you became a parent?

I've talked about how I felt the moment I realize that I was pregnant, but I wanted to save this one until I actually became a parent.

So December 2, 2013, is that day. We had a scheduled c-section, which means I wasn't surprised that you were coming that day. I did kind of hate that my c-section was scheduled for 5 pm, which meant I sat around all day without much of anything to do and not being able to eat or drink anything from about 8 am on. I was on pins and needles and couldn't think about anything but you.

At 3 pm, we headed to the hospital and I was a nervous wreck. My previous experience with surgery wasn't much fun, though this time was extremely different. I was going through this surgery to get you, not to have something that wasn't working removed. We went through the check in process and got into our labor and delivery room. I got into a hospital gown and they hooked me up to all sorts of things. Then we hung out in the room. I think your nana and grandpa came in to visit with us, but honestly everything before the c-section is a bit of a blur. We went to the delivery room and I met all the people who would be a part of the delivery. I was incredibly grateful to see a familiar face. Janet Miller, mom of one of my friends, was my nurse anesthetist, so I knew someone in the room. We did the spinal block without too much problem. Soon after that, Dr. Cox showed up and the show was on the road. I didn't feel much of the procedure, which is the way it's supposed to be. After about 25 minutes, they put you under a heating lamp to my right and started to check you out. You had to be encouraged to cry as you weren't necessarily jazzed to be outside and have people poking around on you. I started to cry the minute I saw you and asked your dad if you were okay. I wanted more than anything to know that you were all right. When the nurses told us that you were okay, I was so relieved and think I started crying again. I don't remember anything else from the c-section except that your dad and I held hands and I couldn't stop staring at you.

When they gave you to me, I felt my heart actually ache with how much I loved you. Sadly, shortly after that, my stomach decided that I didn't need any peaceful relaxing time with you and I started throwing up everything in my stomach...which wasn't much, but boy did I give it my full effort. I held you close and wanted you to feel my love and not notice anything else, which I know you didn't because you had a lot to absorb with just joining the world and all. Through everything, I couldn't believe that such a gorgeous, amazing little girl was healthy and didn't have to spend any time in the NICU and that you were ours.

Those were the recurring themes in my head over the next several days: this precious bundle really is ours and oh my goodness, I love her so much. No matter what else was going on, those thoughts were always running through my head and heart. Those thoughts have been a part of every day since you were born. It doesn't matter whether you are being an angel or not so much, I always love you and am amazed that you are ours. Whether I'm sick or you're sick, whether you are being stubborn like me or stubborn like your father, whether you are happy or mad, I always know that I love you and am grateful for you...though honestly there are times I'm more grateful than others, I am always glad you are my daughter.

So that's how I felt the moment I became a parent and how I have felt every day since. You are a precious gift for me and I love you lots!

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 27

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

Guess what? I'm going to cheat on this one too. I have two favorite body parts and I'm going to share them both.

First would be my eyes. I love my eyes. They are a beautiful brown and can be very expressive. I like the shape and size as well. They have always been one of my favorite features of my face. They definitely aren't perfect. My left eye is slightly lazy and when I'm tired or look at something too hard, it will cross in and that annoys me. As I get older, they are a little weaker and I have to hide them behind glasses, but I still love the way they look.

The second part of my body is my smile. I know that my smile technically isn't a body part; my mouth is, but I don't love my mouth. I do love my smile. Again it isn't perfect and I did have to have some work to make my smile as pretty as it is. Thanks Mom and Dad for the years of orthodontic work so I could have such a nice smile. My teeth still aren't perfect and I have some cavities and a crown, but perfection isn't what makes a smile great. My smile makes my face light up and makes me look beautiful even when I'm looking my worst. I think I have a beautiful smile and it makes me very happy when things make me smile. Thinking about you, Gabi, makes me smile so much that my cheeks almost hurt.

So those are my two favorite body parts. I like a lot of other parts of my body as well, but those are definitely the favorites.

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 26

What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

Honestly I don't know if this is a popular notion or not, but it's the first thing that came to mind when I read this one and so I'm going with it.

I think that too many people feel that if someone doesn't agree with you, they must be wrong and you have an obligation to convince them of why you are right. This belief frustrates me because it just leads to conflict and problems. Very few people are going to change their minds because someone else tells them they are wrong.

What brought this to mind recently is the number of arguments I have seen happening online. People who have very strong views on issues are likely to talk about them, which is something they have the right to do. But I've noticed that a lot (not all) people with strong views don't want anyone to disagree with them when they are talking about their issue. They would prefer to hear from a bunch of people who agree with them so they can have their beliefs reinforced instead of challenged. I think people have the right to their own opinion and while I may not agree with them, it isn't my job to convince them that my way of thinking is the right way, even if I know I'm right. :)

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my beliefs and have changed my mind on many things as I've gotten older. Sometimes because I learned more about them or have had experiences that color my view. Sometimes because who I am has changed since I developed that view. However, my views haven't changed because someone told me that I was wrong in my beliefs and then explained to me, often in great detail, why they are right. I try to respect other people, their beliefs, and their right to have those beliefs, even if they are in conflict with mine. I expect the same from the people in my life.

30 Things My Kid Should Know About Me: Number 25

(Skipping 24 for now because it asks about my favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood and I don't know yet)

If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

I'm really, really horrible at these types of questions.  I don't have many "favorite" people in history, so I don't think about who I would like to meet. I like history, but I like it more for the stories than the individuals. So I'm going to take a little different direction on this one...and I know you are shocked because I don't always follow the rules. :)

I would choose to have dinner with Madeleine L'Engle, the author of A Wrinkle in Time, A Wind in the Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet, along with many others. I have read a little bit about her life and think that she is fascinating. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her work, A Wrinkle in Time is one of the first science fiction books with a female main character. Prior to that book, all of the main characters in science fiction were male because science fiction was written for males. There was not a common belief that women were interested in science fiction. L'Engle wrote this amazing book and had a very hard time getting it published because it was such a different book that was hard to categorize. It has elements of science fiction, but is about people with families and real emotions and love. Even after all of her challenges in getting published, she stuck with it and continued to write.

I met her very briefly during a book signing when I was living in Connecticut, but I didn't have a chance to say much to her other than that I love her writing and thank you for the autograph.

She would be great to have dinner with because she is so well spoken and has strong opinions. We wouldn't run out of things to talk about. We share many of the same opinions, but aren't exactly alike so we could have some debate as well. I, at many different times in my life, have wanted to be a writer and would love to hear her advice and suggestions. I just think it would be one of the best evenings of my life.

Now, what would we eat? I have absolutely no idea. That is something that I haven't read about her. I don't know her favorite foods. Probably something that wouldn't be too messy or too fancy because we would be talking as we eat. I would be tempted to have a lot of courses because then the dinner wouldn't be over too soon. I wouldn't want anything too spicy or heavy because I would hate to be gassy with someone that I admire that much. So maybe a tasting menu kind of meal with lots of small dishes. That's the best I've got for the meal.