How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
I've talked about how I felt the moment I realize that I was pregnant, but I wanted to save this one until I actually became a parent.
So December 2, 2013, is that day. We had a scheduled c-section, which means I wasn't surprised that you were coming that day. I did kind of hate that my c-section was scheduled for 5 pm, which meant I sat around all day without much of anything to do and not being able to eat or drink anything from about 8 am on. I was on pins and needles and couldn't think about anything but you.
At 3 pm, we headed to the hospital and I was a nervous wreck. My previous experience with surgery wasn't much fun, though this time was extremely different. I was going through this surgery to get you, not to have something that wasn't working removed. We went through the check in process and got into our labor and delivery room. I got into a hospital gown and they hooked me up to all sorts of things. Then we hung out in the room. I think your nana and grandpa came in to visit with us, but honestly everything before the c-section is a bit of a blur. We went to the delivery room and I met all the people who would be a part of the delivery. I was incredibly grateful to see a familiar face. Janet Miller, mom of one of my friends, was my nurse anesthetist, so I knew someone in the room. We did the spinal block without too much problem. Soon after that, Dr. Cox showed up and the show was on the road. I didn't feel much of the procedure, which is the way it's supposed to be. After about 25 minutes, they put you under a heating lamp to my right and started to check you out. You had to be encouraged to cry as you weren't necessarily jazzed to be outside and have people poking around on you. I started to cry the minute I saw you and asked your dad if you were okay. I wanted more than anything to know that you were all right. When the nurses told us that you were okay, I was so relieved and think I started crying again. I don't remember anything else from the c-section except that your dad and I held hands and I couldn't stop staring at you.
When they gave you to me, I felt my heart actually ache with how much I loved you. Sadly, shortly after that, my stomach decided that I didn't need any peaceful relaxing time with you and I started throwing up everything in my stomach...which wasn't much, but boy did I give it my full effort. I held you close and wanted you to feel my love and not notice anything else, which I know you didn't because you had a lot to absorb with just joining the world and all. Through everything, I couldn't believe that such a gorgeous, amazing little girl was healthy and didn't have to spend any time in the NICU and that you were ours.
Those were the recurring themes in my head over the next several days: this precious bundle really is ours and oh my goodness, I love her so much. No matter what else was going on, those thoughts were always running through my head and heart. Those thoughts have been a part of every day since you were born. It doesn't matter whether you are being an angel or not so much, I always love you and am amazed that you are ours. Whether I'm sick or you're sick, whether you are being stubborn like me or stubborn like your father, whether you are happy or mad, I always know that I love you and am grateful for you...though honestly there are times I'm more grateful than others, I am always glad you are my daughter.
So that's how I felt the moment I became a parent and how I have felt every day since. You are a precious gift for me and I love you lots!
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