Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears
I think I've been avoiding this one because I knew it would be challenging. Of course, I think I said that about the last one and, while it took me a while, it wasn't that hard. This one is really going to require me to think and put a lot out there. I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about my fears. I'm a compulsive worrier and your father would tell you that I'm paranoid, so thinking about my fears is very counter-productive. But, I need to be able to talk to you about being afraid and how it's okay, so I need to be able to talk about my fears. So here I go.
1. I am afraid of losing those that I love. It doesn't matter what family members, I am afraid of losing them. I think this one came from having gone through so much of my life without losing anyone who was close to me. I knew people who had died, but there wasn't anyone that I was really close to who had passed away. When I was in high school, my mom had a breast cancer scare and it really freaked me out. I had nightmares about losing my mom. That's when I realized how much it scared me to even think about losing someone I love. To this day, it is still the source of my most disturbing nightmares. Fear of losing you has been in my head ever since I first found out I was pregnant with you. I pray everyday for those I love to be safe and more than once I day, I pray for you to be safe and healthy.
2. I have a fear of falling. Not like tripping or falling down the stairs or even slipping on the ice and snow and falling. My fear of falling is probably more accurately a fear of falling off the edge of high places. Your dad always tries to tell me that it's a fear of heights, but I disagree because I can be up really high without any problems. I've been at the top of the Empire State Building and the Twin Towers and was totally fine, even when I stood on a glass ledge and looked down on NYC. Those didn't scare me because there was no way I could fall. I don't want to stand near the edge of anything that I could fall from. I don't know exactly when this fear started, but I think I know why it's a fear. I am a klutz, as I shared with you in my last post, so I think I'm afraid that I will do something klutzy and fall off of something tall. I know it's not very logical, but often that is this case with fears.
3. I've really been struggling with the third one. Not because I don't have more than two fears, but because I want to pick the "right" one. Yeah, I know, it doesn't really make sense to me either. After taking a lot of time to figure it out, I would say that I am afraid of failing. I want so much to be successful and do well at the things that I do. I wouldn't say that my fear stops me from trying things, but it doesn't make me take longer to decide to try something new. I don't know where this fear comes from, but it is definitely a part of my life. Your dad helps me with this a lot. For example, for a long time I was afraid to try running because I didn't think I would be able to do it physically. Then when I tried it, I phased it in slowly so I would be more likely to be successful. In April 2013 (when I was unaware that I was most likely pregnant with you), I decided to run my first 5K and was nervous and scared the morning of the race because I wanted to succeed so much. Your dad calmed me down and made it okay for me to succeed or fail, as long as I did my best and didn't hurt myself. He's really good at that. Whenever I start getting nervous about being a mom and all the things I don't know, he really helps me stay calm.
So those are three of my fears and probably the ones that affect me the most.
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